Category Archives: Culture

Jan 16 2013
3 Comments
Culture

All right, drama queens, here are the ACTUAL 23 executive orders

Image

I’ve been making the mistake of reading comments on news articles about this. People are going BATSHIT FUCKING LOCO.

Hey, gun-toting crazies: You might want to take a look at these before announcing to the world that the scary Black man is taking away your guns and you’re going to start an armed rebellion, mkay?

Here are the executive orders along with my commentary.

1. “Issue a presidential memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.” (BACKGROUND CHECKS. Like we already have, but making sure states actually send in the damn data so we can track their convicted rapists.)

2. “Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.” (More about making the background checks work better)

3. “Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.” (Even MORE about making the background checks better– this time with 33% MOAR BRIBERY for recalcitrant red states)

4. “Direct the attorney general to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.” (Hey, maybe we should make sure convicted rapists can’t buy guns in all 50 states.)

5. “Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun.” (When the cops take your gun away from you because you were starting shit at Applebee’s on a Friday night, now they get to run a background check on you to make sure you’re legally allowed to possess it. Sorry, Rapey McFelony! Everyone else– as you were.)

6. “Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers.” (A letter?!?! About BACKGROUND CHECKS?!?! FASCISM AT WORK.)

7. “Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.” (Hi. I’m Adrienne Barbeau, and I’m here to talk to you about guns)

8. “Review safety standards for gun locks and gun safes (Consumer Product Safety Commission).” (How do we make gun locks and gun safes better? ASKING THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!11!)

9. “Issue a presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to trace guns recovered in criminal investigations.” (Wait, they don’t already do this? The hell?)

10. “Release a DOJ report analyzing information on lost and stolen guns and make it widely available to law enforcement.” (Writing and releasing a report. Yeah, I agree with conservatives: sounds like CIVIL WAR TIME TO ME! NO REPORTS. And no glossy report covers, either! Those are for the gays and the libruls, right, boys?)

11. “Nominate an ATF director.” (This doesn’t count! You were supposed to do this ALREADY. What, is your laundry #19?)

12. “Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training for active shooter situations.” (I can see how properly trained cops, firefighters, and teachers would piss off conservatives. UNION THUGS.)

13. “Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime.” (OK, enforce the laws we already have, got it)

14. “Issue a presidential memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence.” (MEMORANDUM!?!? About RESEARCH? That’s almost as bad as a REPORT! GET MAH RAHFLE.)

15. “Direct the attorney general to issue a report on the availability and most effective use of new gun safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies.” (HOLY SHIT A THIRD REPORT. Seriously, this is getting SCARY. Someone block off the Office Depot paper section, STAT.)

16. “Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes.” (Um, just writing that sentence does that, so, check.)

17. “Release a letter to health care providers clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of violence to law enforcement authorities.” (THE FUCK. Now we’re up to three reports, two memos, and a letter? TYRANNY. Don’t clarify existing law for doctors! YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH IT, LIBTARDS.)

18. “Provide incentives for schools to hire school resource officers.” (Wait, isn’t this what conservatives wanted? They’ve been screaming about it nonstop since Sandy Hook.)

19. “Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education.” (Emergency response training? AGAIN WITH THE TYRANNY.)

20. “Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover.” (ANOTHER letter? MORE clarification of existing law? THE AMERICAN EAGLE SHEDS A SINGLE TEAR FOR THE DEATH OF LIBERTY.)

21. “Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits and parity requirements within ACA exchanges.” (Weren’t you supposed to do this already? I don’t see how this counts. This one, along with the one about appointing the head of the ATF, are just filler, aren’t they? Was there a word count minimum for this?)

22. “Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations.” (Ahem. See 21.)

23. “Launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health.” (Not a dialogue! Talking is TYRANNY and SOCIALISM and requires THINKING.)

Tagged , ,
Jan 16 2013
Culture

Hey, Guess What? If You Think Women Are People, You’re a Feminist

Image

So facebook, amirite? Facebook. It’s a roiling sea of poorly-thought-out opinions, my own included. In the middle of a discussion about women playwrights (blog post coming soon), someone said that she’s not a feminist because women are “different,” and that we are “not equal” to men.

After I found my eyeballs and put them back into their sockets like a Tex Avery cartoon, I wondered if maybe she and I are just defining the term “equal” differently. What is “equal”? And can difference preclude that? Sure, there are ways in which difference can create inequality. Almost every human on the planet is a better athlete than I am. They are better; I am inferior; there is undeniable inequality there.

When we’re talking about gender equality, though, we’re talking about cultural equality and civil rights, where “equal” means “equal under the law” and “of equal worth.” Of course we’re not fully there yet; I know that. In a world where women still make 81 cents when a man in the same position makes a dollar, where 81% of all male faculty in the US are tenure-track or tenured as opposed to a measly 68% of female faculty (fully 32% of female faculty are lecturers– academic temps), where a woman CEO of a major corporation is as rare as the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field (NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS), we clearly have yet to achieve cultural equality. And when everyone down at the courthouse barely had a single fuck to give when my husband and I picked up our marriage license, but would have rung the HOMO ALARM had my betrothed been female, we have some progress to make regarding gender under the law. And pause for a moment to remember just how privileged cisgendered women are, despite our struggles.
But we ARE making progress.

I suppose it’s no surprise that a woman whose mother subscribed to Ms Magazine in the 70s and taught her who Gloria Steinem and Angela Davis were before she could walk has no problem proclaiming herself a feminist. The surprise to me is why YOU DON’T, people.

If it's good enough for Captain Picard . . .

If it’s good enough for Captain Picard . . .

Sure, women are different, I guess, in the aggregate. And there are plenty of things about me that conform to the stereotypical woman’s role. I loved being pregnant. I love to bake. I take pride in making seder. I also love to be in charge of shit and, honestly, I’m damn good at it. I don’t usually wear make up, I spend way too much of my free time on the xbox, I swear like 100 sailors, and I would rather listen to five hours of jackhammering than watch fourteen seconds of Sex and the City.

But “different” doesn’t mean “unequal.” When you say “I am a feminist,” what you’re saying is “I believe women should be treated equally, both under the law and culturally: That women should earn as much as men; that women’s stories are as important as men’s; that women should be considered equally for jobs and promotions.”

The tenure thing expressly pisses me off, yes, partly because I’ve been a dramatically underemployed lecturer for eleventy scrotillion years while watching men with less education and experience get tenure, but mostly because the gender breakdown of underpaid, overworked academic temps known as lecturers (who make less than the people working at the campus Starbucks) weighs heavily to WOMEN, while the gender breakdown of the people with tenured positions making twice what we make (to start) weighs heavily to MEN. Bear in mind that women earn 52% of the PhDs awarded each year, corresponding neatly to our percentage of the population. And yet we’re still largely held down into temp positions while the men around us land tenure-track positions in numbers that far outweigh their representation in the population.

But I digress.

YES, women are different than men, sometimes. Maybe most of the time. I’m interested in the neurology about gender. I still find babies miraculous and pregnant women enthralling and special. But women are not BETTER than men, nor are men BETTER than women, and if you think so, it’s a matter of opinion. Also, you are awful.

So what is a “feminist”? I gave it away in the headline, so if you made it this far, I SALUTE YOU. I hope you don’t feel cheated.

“Feminism” is the belief that women are people, and, as people, are as important as men, regardless of any differences, and deserve equal protection under the law. (Recommended reading: The equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution.)

YOU ARE A FEMINIST. Boom. What? BOOM.

worthyvoice

Tagged , ,
Jan 11 2013
2 Comments
Culture

WalMart and Anthropologie Go Batshit Insane

What WalMart thinks I'm wearing

What WalMart thinks I’m wearing

I didn’t think there could be any more WTFery coming out of major retail corporations than WalMart’s recent listing of “Jewish costumes” for children. Dress your child like a Jewish Grand Rabbi! What we imagine to be a not-so-grand Jewish Rabbi! A Jewish High Priest! Jewish Mothers! (I dress NOTHING LIKE THAT, but I imagine you can’t sell a costume that’s just a Star Wars T-shirt, yoga pants, and a pair of Chucks.)

Just in case you need evidence (and I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND if you do, because WHAT) here: WalMart’s Insanity

Do I need to explain the racism here? No? Are we good? OK, moving on.

Now the geniuses at Anthropologie are under the impression that someone will pay $398 for a two-foot-tall candlestick with a Mammy and JFK on it.

Seriously.

Seriously.

I’m not offended, I’M PERPLEXED.

The hell is going on? I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that America is much more racist than my Bay Area-born, liberal-raised ass wants to believe, but I question the judgment of execs who think they can sell “Jewish” costumes (WHO WOULD BUY THESE?) and I am doing even more questioneering about the judgment of retail execs who think thousands of people would be willing to spend $398 on a stack of racist, hotglued crap.

But hold the phone. The “Trinket and Treasure Candlestick” is unique! Each piece is different! EVEN MORE WTFERY. This means that Anthropologie had to specifically select a candlestick with racist nonsense on it out of a box of less-racist candlesticks. Someone with a degree in Marketing had to purposely select, photograph, and cause to be posted online the candlestick with the Mammy on it. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Sounds like a legit marketing tactic, right?

And you just KNOW they’re going to get complaints when people open their boxes and discover their candlesticks were LESS RACIST THAN ADVERTISED.

If the world is going to insist on confusing the fuel-injected fuck outta me within an hour of waking up, I’m going back to bed.

See Anthropologie’s nonsense for yourself.

Tagged ,
Jan 10 2013
Culture

Yet Another “Law-Abiding” Gun Owner Wants to Kill You Over Gun Control Laws

This guy says he's going to kill you if someone else passes stricter gun control legislation.

This guy says he’s going to kill you if someone else passes stricter gun control legislation.

See, OK, this is exactly what we’re talking about, you guys. Gun advocates all say over and over how most gun owners are law-abiding, wonderful people, but we’re seeing this kind of thing repeatedly now– ignorant, panicking armed idiots THREATENING OUR LIVES and the lives of our CHILDREN over something the president can’t even do. Despite what you heard some halfwit on the radio say, NOBAMA can’t take yer guns away by executive order. No, he can’t. You need Congress for that, and since this Congress is about as useful as the condom Scalia’s had in his wallet since 8th grade, I’m going to label that occurrence “UNLIKELY.”

I’m sure there are gun owners who are law-abiding, gentle, kumbaya-singing hippies who would only shoot in self defense and keep their weapons in a bunker 100 feet underground accessible only by a keypad and a retina scan, like you all claim. Sure, why not. But you know what? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU that *MOST* gun owners are law-abiding and awesome, because THIS. Over and over, THIS.

‘I’m Going To Start Killing People’ Says CEO Of Weapons Training Company Over Gun Control.

Tagged , ,
Newer posts →