When You Say “Weakens The Institution of Marriage,” You Sound Like An Idiot


I don’t have a lot of patience for stupidity (perhaps you’ve noticed) so I have no quarter for the phrase “weakens the institution of marriage.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? In what specific ways will the INSTITUTION of marriage change when we have marriage equality? What specific weakness do you see in, say, Iowa that you don’t see in Alabama? How is marriage “weaker” in New York (third lowest divorce rate in the nation) than it is in Oklahoma (third highest)? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW, so stop pretending that that phrase has any meaning whatsoever.

In discussions of marriage equality, “the institution of marriage” is a phrase that specifically refers to the ability of two consenting adults to enter into a legally-binding contract. The law has nothing to do with any church or religion anywhere. You can get “married” in every church, synagogue, mosque, and mandir in the nation, but unless you’ve been issued and then subsequently properly file a marriage license with your county, you are not legally married. “The institution of marriage” is ONLY a civil matter AS COVERED BY THE LAW, and the law is what we’re discussing here, not any religious doctrine.

So “the institution of marriage” is, essentially, two people signing a form and paying $50 to a county clerk who then gives those two people a different form, which those two people fill out later along with two witnesses and any rando licensed specifically for that purpose. The two people are considered “married” when that form is properly filed with the county and entered into the, I don’t know, googledoc or excel spreadsheet or whatever they use now to track these things.

How, specifically, does gender weaken that? Would issuing licenses to two women make the spreadsheet unresponsive? Would issuing licenses to two men make the paper more liable to tear? Are there only so many marriage licenses in the nation, and if TEH GAYS take them all, there will be none left for straight people? Where, specifically, does equality affect this process? SHOW ME WHERE. You can’t, because it’s a bullshit argument, and you KNOW IT. Where, specifically, is the “weakness” created by equality? Nowhere.

Out to destroy the institution of marriage through the twin powers of love and facial hair.

Out to destroy the institution of marriage through the twin powers of love and epic facial hair.

“No, I mean when they’re living married in the world and say they’re married and live together and get to file jointly and drop their kids off at school and we all just have to TAKE IT because they’re CRAMMING THEIR LIFESTYLE DOWN OUR THROATS so when THEY can be married instead of just US, it weakens the institution of marriage.” OK, first of all, no one is shoving anything down your throat just by existing. Secondly, you have no idea who is or is not legally married unless you’ve gone down to the courthouse and checked those records for yourself. The couple last weekend whose wedding you attended aren’t married if they burned the license instead of filing it (so you might want to check before you pay off the crystal decanter you put on the card).

Was this even on the registry?

Was this even on the registry?

Same sex couples exist and have always existed and will continue to exist both inside and outside the “institution of marriage.” Your experience of anyone’s relationship (including your own) is not in the least impacted by the existence of a legal contract, something you take their word for 9999 times out of 10,000 at any rate. When’s the last time you asked to see someone’s marriage license when they told you they were married? Whether that lesbian couple you see at preschool dropoff every morning is legally married or not makes no practical difference to you. You have no way of knowing what their legal status even IS without reviewing their documents. Their legal standing with each other is not visible to you, or experienced by you. Their legal standing with each other, therefore, cannot “weaken” anything for you.

Equality is what America is FOR. The purpose of the “land of the free” and “all men are created equal” is, you know, “freedom” and “equality.” You DON’T have the right to the “freedom” of living without LGBTs. First of all, IMPOSSIBLE (Your brother’s roommate is his boyfriend; your maiden aunt who’s lived with her “dear best friend” for 47 years is a lesbian; your pediatrician, five co-workers on your floor, and your personal trainer are all gay; your boss’s husband is transgender) and secondly, THIS:

The fact that you don’t WANT a certain group to have equal rights, for whatever reason, is not germane to this discussion. Your opinion about what impacts “the strength of the institution of marriage” is not germane to this discussion.

Nor is it Jermaine to this discussion.

Nor is it Jermaine to this discussion.

Nowhere in the constitution does it “define” marriage as “one man, one woman.” Shit, it doesn’t even do that in the BIBLE. Ask Abraham, Jacob, and David about “one man, one woman.”

I'm not even getting into Lot and his daughters. YOU'RE WELCOME. (Painting by Joachim Wtewael, 1595, entitled "Lot and his Daughters."

I’m not even getting into Lot and his daughters. YOU’RE WELCOME. (Painting by Joachim Wtewael, 1595, entitled “Lot and his Daughters.”)

Your OPINION about what rights a minority group should have, and whether that group should have rights equal to your own, is just not constitutionally relevant. It wasn’t for Loving v. Virginia, and it’s not for this.

There are well over 100,000 same sex couples in the US who are already married. If the “institution” of marriage were to “weaken” (and I still believe that YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT EVEN MEANS WHEN YOU SAY IT) it would have happened long ago.

These two look particularly dangerous.

These two look particularly dangerous.

Stop pretending that marriage equality will have any effect on your life whatsoever. We all know you’re lying, you know you’re lying, and we know you know you’re lying. Now you know we know you know you’re lying.


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16 thoughts on “When You Say “Weakens The Institution of Marriage,” You Sound Like An Idiot

  1. So true. I get tired of the arguments against equality based on religion. It’s a mess that doesn’t make sense. Had a friend post a picture earlier today of the equality sign with a slash through it. Someone had posted it to them with the caption “I don’t have hate towards anyone, but I have to stand up for what is right.” How can you be so short sighted? That’s like saying “I’m not racist, I just hate black people.” It doesn’t add up, it doesn’t compute, it’s just plain stupid. I am so glad to be on the right side of history. I wouldn’t want to have to explain to my kids in 20 years that I was one of the bigots sitting on the side of the rode with a “God Hates Fags” sign.

    In closing, a quote from Louis C.K. – “It doesn’t have ANY effect on your life. What do you care? People try to talk about it like it’s a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say ‘How am I supposed to explain to my child that two men are getting married?’ I dunno, it’s your shitty kid, you fuckin’ tell ’em. Why is that anyone else’s problem? Two guys are in LOVE but they can’t get married because YOU don’t want to talk to your ugly child for five fuckin’ minutes?”

    Thanks for the post,
    Shane Strawbridge

  2. Pidge Meade says:

    This is brilliant. So are you. Thank you.

  3. tracy says:

    thank you thank you thank you. such a specious argument, not really an argument at all in the sense that you can’t counteract it…ie there’s no other ‘side’ to it. i so appreciate all the pictures too, esp of the dangerous lesbians.

  4. The photos of those two couples are from Seattle, taken on the first day same-sex couples could legally get married in Washington State. I went down to City Hall to witness the love. As I posted on my FB page when the referendum was defeated, “All of those whose marriage is threatened by my interracial marriage, raise your hands. … No? … I though not.”

    Excuse me… there must be something in my eye… couldn’t be that I’m crying all over again, thinking about that wonderful day…

  5. Love it. The trolls haven’t left me alone since last night when I took the “Marriage…” sign that had a man and woman on it saying One Man, One Woman and fixed it because I thought it was broken. I drew a skirt on the man, crossed out the one man, one woman and added “Don’t choose love for others”. It’s a hate sign and I don’t tolerate people who hate. The only way they tried to defend themselves was bible this and God that and Jesus this and more Bible talk. Then what’s even more awesome is the “I don’t like it or want it around my kids and my family in my face in public and on TV”. Well for 1: Go live in a cave then and 2nd, I feel very sorry for your children. Yes, continue to brain wash them, because that totally solves problems. Let’s just keep repeating the mind set that is already there from generations down. One troll told me that they pray that their kids will turn out perfect. Well by perfect do they mean not gay? Because heaven help them if that happens.

    So, thank you for this. Really.

    Christine @ForksFlash

  6. Jen says:

    It hadn’t even occurred to me that you don’t even KNOW which couples are married and which ones are living in beautiful, beautiful sin.

    Marriage is two things – a declared commitment to another person, and a legal arrangement whereby you get to file taxes jointly, be on each other’s health insurance, and get each other’s stuff automatically when one dies. If we’ve already got people enjoying the first, why the hell not let ’em have the rest?

  7. Paul Mendenhall says:

    What they really mean when they say this is: “Any club that would have ‘those people’ as members is not worth joining.” Their argument is based on bigotry; nothing more.

  8. Absolutely fucking brilliant piece of writing!

  9. MrB says:

    All these other people may kiss your ass for your ego driven combative article but I’m not. I took the time to read the entire article and as you may have decent or even good points does not make you right mr. smart guy, you’re still human who makes mistakes, wrong judgement calls, you judge people by appearance like everyone else. Do your self and everyone a favor and stop writing stupid articles to try and prove how smart you are and how dumb everyone else is for wanting to Marriage between a man and a women just because you have an opinion backed by some “FACTS” does not make you right.You can argue the facts of the bible but god created a man and a women to procreate and love each other that’s a fact and the only one that really matters.

    • That’s DR. Smart Guy. Actually Dr. Smart Broad, according to my rather outspoken vagina.

      Thank you for your feedback. I’m sure we’ll all think about your argument that having the “FACTS” on your side does not make you right.

      Your opinion that “God created a man and a woman to procreate and love each other” is noted. Unfortunately for you, the first amendment exists, and the government cannot use your religion or religious beliefs to make laws. Thanks, Founding Fathers!

    • Jon says:

      MrB (are you THE Mr. B, the Gentleman Rhymer…’cause that’d be pretty cool),

      Apart from some basic grammar errors (which are not up for argument here, because they’re just plain wrong), I would like to discuss a few points in your response:

      1. You must be new to this blog, because you assert that the writer of this blog states that she doesn’t make mistakes (the writer cops to her fallibility quite frequently). Could you please state where these moments happen?

      2. Even though you got the gender of the author incorrect, you – essentially – insult the author for being smart/intelligent. Does this put you in the category of thought where “Intellect rots the character?”

      3. This sentence baffles me: “Do your self and everyone a favor and stop writing stupid articles to try and prove how smart you are and how dumb everyone else is for wanting to Marriage between a man and a women just because you have an opinion backed by some “FACTS” does not make you right.” Could you please better explain this, so we can understand you properly?


      Are you just a bully who is trying to intimidate somebody who has a different view than you do? If that is the case, then I suggest moving on to a blog written by somebody below your own educational range. I recommend trolling blogs written by first-graders.

  10. Joe says:

    Cathartically awesome. Love it!

  11. Mickey Biezen says:

    So well written, love your work 🙂

  12. Stupendous remarks!

  13. chasbelov says:

    Beautiful, beautiful rhetoric!

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